I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This baby is an asshole
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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