So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
