god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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