it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize