We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
