My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
