I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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