Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
