You don't have asthma, your pregnant
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
