Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
