Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
