I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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