So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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