At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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