Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
