You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
