I heard we made out
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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