So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
