can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
