You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
