waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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