Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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