I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
