eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
