I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
