Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
