just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
