we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
