i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
