If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
