oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
