I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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