Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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