You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
