There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
