i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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