i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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