He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
