VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
