just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
