My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
