When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
