I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize