I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
