We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I could fuck to npr.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
