they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
