Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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