what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
