I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
