It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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