I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
