i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
