This girl is more easily done than said...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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