i need an iv and a liver transplant
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
ttyl tear gas
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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