porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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