dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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