woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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