If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
