You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
