Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
