The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
