My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
