Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We are all done wearing pants today
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
