Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
