his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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