i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
