who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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