she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
