Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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