sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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