I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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