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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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