Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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