Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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