I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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