end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
