Do you still have your period?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
